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10:03 pm * December 25, 2011
When I was a teenager I unintentionally (and gradually) removed myself from my father's life. I was a teenager, I wanted to be with my friends, who were in my town with me not his town, and there's also the fact that I started working when I was 14. It didn't leave a lot of free time to travel the 35 minutes to see him especially since he was usually drinking when I was there. Even when I was a child he spent the weekends drinking or at least out with his friends and girlfriend. So, while yes, I love him because he's my dad and I do have memories of good times that we spent together... It's not as if we are close. And, if I wanted to be really honest there are probably just as many bad memories as good.

Fast forward, now I'm 30, I'm very close to my mom and younger sister, barely speak with my father and older siblings, but its not that I wouldn't or dont want to, I feel like I've tried to put myself out there to get to know them and they just keep slamming the door in my face. I've recently had a relative die. I didn't know about it (not the first time this has happened either). By the time I found out it was the day of the funeral. I would've gone if I could've. Even though I barely knew the relative and hadn't seen them for probably close to 15 years. I'd have gone because they were family. I wasn't in town I was away with my mom and sister so I didn't go. Now they aren't talking to me. I've sent messages and get no response. Normally my dad comes to see me Christmas day, this year, not even a card. I didn't send him one either, but it's sitting downstairs right now with a little bag of gifts that I thought id be giving him today.

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