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a whole bunch of stuff
1:27 am * May 16, 2004
Man, if it weren't rainy, and so therefore wormy, outside, I'd so go out to my backyard and lay in the grass, stare up at the sky and just chill.

I still feel like I have bunches of stuff bottled up that I'd love to talk about, though nothing specific... (How weird is it to want to just talk about nonsense?)

I think part of the reason I've been going through this weird "complex" communication thing is because things at my house are more odd than usual.

For once, my mother isn't pissed off at me. Oh, she's still pissed about things, but for once it's not like, "invis, you did this, or didn't do that, why didn't you make your sister blah blah blah" and no, she doesn't ACTUALLY call me invis. If invis were my real nickname, she'll use the formal, invisible, not invis. It's just how she is. Anyway.

Hcatty, if you ever want to brainstorm with me for story ideas I can be on messenger almost any time. This next week's a little busy in the evening a couple times because of work and the sister's stuff, but I'm still around bunches. :�

So, yesterday I was on and trying to think of ways to say what I was thinking here, and an old online friend showed up and it was as if all of a sudden I heard, "duh talk to him!" so I did. And it was cool, but probably a mistake. (I'm laughing now, un momento por favor) I like him, he's a great guy, and really funny, but he's not trying to be funny, he's trying to be very serious and very sarcastic. But I don't fall for it, I sort of act like it, but he knows I'm only acting because I'll laugh A LOT, and I'll say things like, uh-huh, riiiiiight, sure ya do, and he'll just roll his eyes and talk about something else. And now he wants my cell #, and I'm okay with him havin' it, to an extent. I know he'll call me way more than I'll call him, and I know he's going to call me a lot in general.

One of the reasons I hadn't talked to him for a while, is basically the same reason he cracks me up. He's always "on" and while yes it amuses me, it also bugs me, because I don't want my friends to feel as if they have to be "on" when they're around me. I am "on" when I'm at work, and when I'm around friends who are more aquaintances than real friends. Because I know it's easier that way. (And because if you're not "on" around some of those people, they'll be all, how are you? are you okay? and they totally don't actually give a hoot, they're askin' because 1. they're going to tell someone else if what you tell them is gossip worthy 2. they were raised to be polite and so they inquire about your wellbeing even though they actually don't care or 3. want to care, and want to know, but are trying too hard and it seems fake) I'm sure lots of people aren't like that, and I'm sorry if it offends anyone that I sort of group people together that way sometimes. But it's how my mind works upon occassion, and now, Sunday, May 16, 2004 (1:40ish AM), it's very much working in a scattered, fast thoughts, incomplete sentence kind of way.

Oh. Work was weird today, there were bad parts, seriously people were late one didn't show up at all, there were price screwups) but, I actually still sort of had an okay time. I was annoyed with some people, and I sort of felt sick for a bit, but the manager who I always have a hard time being around and I got along today. Shocking, I know! I think it was due in part, to us having a common enemy today though. (All those customers, and not enough cashiers.)

Ohhhh man, now I'm very tired, but the little thought bubbles just keep poppin' up like crazy.

:� Good night wonderful diaryland people. I am going to take my fast moving thoughts and try to get them to go to sleep because I have to work in the morning.

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